


Trees

by TheMutantKid



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mentions Of Blurryface, Music, No Smut, Sad, Sad Josh, Sad Tyler Joseph, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Tyler Joseph, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Trees, at the beginning, it gets better eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-10-28 11:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10830450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMutantKid/pseuds/TheMutantKid
Summary: “What’s that?” Josh asked and beckoned to the rope.“Plan A”Josh was panicking. “And what’s that?” he asked, looking at the small knife.“Plan B”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> sooo... this is really sad at the beginning (idk why i wrote it at all) but it should get less sad eventually.  
> please don't read that if you get triggered by suicide/self harm/etc. just don't do something stupid it's just a stupid fic

It was a routine. 

Put on running shoes.  
Get out of the house. Lock the door.  
Run to the foot of the hill.  
Climb through the bushes to get to that trail.  
Run up the hill. Don’t look around, just run.  
Get to the top.  
Sit on the ground. Close your eyes. Wait until your breathing becomes normal.  
Run back home.  
Unlock the door. Get in. Take a shower. Feel okay.

It was a routine and Josh did it every day. It was something to hold on to. No matter what happened during the day or how awful it got, he ran.  
It seemed like it was going to be a usual Wednesday.  
Put on running shoes.  
Get out the house. Lock the door.  
Run to the foot of the hill.  
Climb through the bushes to get to that trail.  
Run up the hill. Don’t look around, just run.  
WAIT!  
WAIT. STOP. 

There was a skinny boy in black, just standing in front of a big tree with huge, strong branches. Josh became frustrated for no reason. “Hey! What are you doing here?!” Why did he stoped running?!

Boy turned around. His eyes looked dead and he had a small knife and a rope in his hand. Rope had a loop on one end. He just silently stared at Josh.

Josh got scared. “What are you doing?!” What is this guy thinking? 

Stranger's eyes were dead.

“What’s that?” Josh asked and beckoned to the rope.

“Plan A” Stranger was looking at Josh but it didn’t seem like he actually saw him. 

He’s insane. Josh was panicking. Why the hell didn’t he take his phone?  
“And what’s that?” He asked, looking at the small knife.

“Plan B” His voice was dull, lifeless. 

Josh was panicking. What do you do in a case like that?!  
“No. No. You can’t do that.” He started to walk closer to the stranger. 

“NO! Stay away from me! You’re too close.” Stranger quickly jumped away. Josh finally got to see some emotion in small boy’s eyes. It was pure horror, fear, panic and sadness. 

Josh immediately stopped. “Calm down, I won’t hurt you.” 

“You know that’s not what I’m afraid of.” He smiled bitterly, almost like it was funny.

“What’s your name?”

“Don’t pretend you care. Because you know what? No one really does. Why don’t you just keep running and forget about it?”

Now Josh was the one who almost smiled. This was just too absurd. “You think I’d let you die?” 

“I would.” 

It felt too awful, too fucked up. “No! How can you even think like that?! Just because I don’t know you it doesn’t mean I would just let you kill yourself! How could you even think of that?!”He realized he was almost yelling.

“I can’t think” he said in such a desperately small voice, Josh could barely hear him. A single tear fell down stranger’s cheek.

Josh could feel nothing else but sadness. Endless sea of blue sadness. 

He tried in a much softer voice. “Hey, it’s okay… you’ll be okay. Can I come closer?”

Stranger sat on the ground. He didn’t say anything and Josh took it as a yes. He slowly came closer and sat on the ground in front of the smaller boy.

“Would you like to give me these?” He gestured to the rope and knife that were still in stranger’s hands.  
Small boy slowly nodded and handed them to Josh, who quickly grabbed them and placed them on the ground behind his back. 

“What’s your name?” Josh hoped the stranger is going to collaborate with him.

“Tyler.” 

“Hi, Tyler, I’m Josh” he tried to sound normal, but it somehow came out really awkward. “What were you doing here?”

“Like it wasn’t obvious.” 

“Why would you do something like this?” He just couldn’t understand why someone would be so determined to do such thing.

“I’m not going to talk about stuff with you. I don’t know you. I-I wanna go home”

“Okay.” Josh tried to think what to do next. “Do you mind if I walk you home?”  
Tyler didn’t seem too excited about that, but there was no way Josh was letting Tyler get home alone. They both got up and Josh quickly grabbed the rope and the knife. 

“Where do you live?” 

Tyler just mumbled something and started walking. Josh followed him, not letting him out of his sight. When they came out of the forest Josh threw the rope and the knife in the nearest dumpster.  
Smaller boy was silent all the way to his home. He was walking few steps in front of Josh, directing their way. After around 15 minutes they reached his house. Tyler stopped in front of it. 

“That’s my house” 

“Okay. Stay safe Tyler, okay?” 

Tyler nodded but it didn’t convince Josh. They both silently stood on the driveway. 

“You know I’m not leaving until I actually see you enter this house, right?” 

“Thank you so much” Tyler said quietly, looking up at Josh. 

Josh almost started crying. “Tyler?” his confident and encouraging voice became just as quiet as Tyler’s. “Can I hug you?”

Smaller boy nodded and Josh wrapped his arms around his small frame. Tyler’s head rested on Josh’s chest and Josh put his head on top on Tyler’s. It felt reassuring and warm and safe.  
When they separated, they both felt a bit better. 

“Do you have your phone with you?” Josh asked. 

Tyler nodded and gave it to him. Josh entered his number and texted himself. “You’ve got my number. Call me if there’s anything okay?” "Because I care about you even if I don’t know you” he added, looking Tyler in the eyes. 

“I will.” Tyler reassured. “Thank you. Bye Josh.” 

“Stay safe, please” Josh felt like he said it a hundred times, but he meant it. 

Tyler just nodded and went in the house. Josh felt so sorry for Tyler. No one deserves that. 

Josh ran to his house and realized he broke the routine for the first time in years. And somehow, it didn’t feel bad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some cursing -tyler gets upset and i felt it's more convincing that way - so let me know if it bothers you and i'll fix it

Put on running shoes.  
Get out of the house. Lock the door.  
Run to the foot of the hill.  
Climb through the bushes to get to that trail.  
Run up the hill. Don’t look around, just run.  
Get to the top.  
Sit on the ground. Close your eyes. Wait until your breathing becomes normal.  
Run back home.  
Unlock the door. Get in. Take a shower. Feel okay.

It continued for next two weeks. Tyler didn’t show up again. 

Until he did.

He was sitting by the big tree, that tree, looking so small when Josh saw him.  
He stopped. The voice in his head was telling him not to break the routine. Josh ignored it.

“Hey Tyler.”

“Hi, Josh.”

“Are you okay?” 

“People who are okay don’t go to that freaking forest to forget stuff.” He didn’t even look at Josh.

“I disagree.” Josh sat down next to Tyler. The voice in his head was now yelling. But Josh didn’t care anymore, now that he was with Tyler. “How are you?”

Tyler looked at him and almost started yelling. “Fuck, Josh. You talk just like one of those freaking therapists. You don’t give a real shit about me and you know exactly how I feel because the last time you saw me I was going to kill myself. I fucking wanted to die. And now you ask me how I am?” He looked at Josh. He was still and silent and it somehow made Tyler feel guilty and even more upset because how can he be so calm?! “It’s just so annoying cuz everyone just keep asking the same shitty question and I know you didn’t mean anything bad, but it’s just stupid, it’s so damn frustrating everyone asking the same thing and guess what?! I DON'T KNOW! I don’t know anything because my head feels like a black hole and I don’t need god damn questions, I need answers!”  
Josh was silently looking at the ground and waiting. “You done?” He sounded so calm. Too calm and too sad. “Now let me tell you something. You don’t know me. Don’t tell me how it feels to have a black hole in your brain. I know that shit way to well. But its way better than the opposite, trust me.”

Tyler was looking at him. “Is that why you go here so much?” Why did Josh look so sad?

“It’s not important. I gotta go.”

“But-“

“No. Don’t even try.” Josh simply got up and ran away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello you kind human beings!  
> this isn't really good (I'll fix it one day I promise)  
> (I know you don't care but we had that really cool assignment in computer class to write a term paper about anything we like and so i got to write 18 pages about TØP and how much i love their music and everything and it was great and yes i am obsessed how could i not be i'm sorry)

Tyler sat down at the tree. He hated this place because he didn’t have really pleasant memories about it but… Josh is going to come. And that was worth waiting on the place he hated so much. 

Then he heard someone coming closer. Of course it was Josh. He saw Tyler, but he ran on. 

Tyler waited for around half an hour, feeling slightly angry when Josh returned. This time he stopped and collapsed on the ground next to Tyler, completely out of breath. Tyler silently waited until Josh’s breathing became normal. 

“Sorry because I didn’t stop before I-I needed to run.” Josh was still blushed. 

“Can you explain me why do you go running here?” His voice was cold, distant.

Josh took a deep breath. “When I feel bad I run. To feel less bad.”

Tyler looked at him. “You run every day.” 

Josh looked him back, trying to suppress a bitter laugh. “I guess I didn’t realize that in this way.” But sitting here with Tyler was what actually made him feel less bad.

Tyler just shook his head and looked back at the sky. They stayed silent for some time but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, just an empty one.

Tyler broke the silence. “Josh?”

“Yes?”

“Do you wanna talk?”

“About what?”

“You’re not okay and you know it don’t you?”

“Neither are you.”

Tyler couldn’t deny it. The silence continued. 

A flock of birds flew through the sky. 

“Do you ever wish you would be like them?” Tyler asked.

“Like the birds? I-I never thought about that.”

“I mean, they’re so free. It must be nice to live like that.”

“Mhm” Josh exhaled. He moved closer to Tyler who rested his head on Josh’s shoulder. It just felt so natural. 

“Tyler, have you ever fallen in love?” Josh asked, without removing his eyes from the sunset. 

“I don’t think I ever felt much love.”

Josh turned to him. “What do you mean? What about your family?”

Tyler looked at the ground. “No, they’re okay I guess, but you know, if you have a completely antisocial kid who will barely talk to you and doesn’t allow you to touch him and you don’t know why he can’t be like other kids… and you try to help and to talk and you try to make him a happy, normal child and you spent huge amounts of money for therapists and pills and you try stuff like family dinners and holidays and talking but nothing helps and your kid just seems more and more miserable… so you eventually just let him be on his own and you grow apart and it gets harder to show love… I guess?”  
“Tyler…” Josh looked at him, not knowing why is this boy's life getting so important to him. “Tyler, why won’t you let them touch you? I mean, you let me touch you and you talk to me."

Tyler was getting angry. "I don't know okay?! Why don't you just tell me that you don't like talking to me?" he started to get up, but Josh stopped him. "Hey, don't go, please, you don't have to know why, it's okay." He looked directly in Tyler's eyes. "And I love talking to you..." 

Tyler's anger was gone in less than a second. He knew he was supposed to smile or something but he was just so sad. “Please don’t make me talk about it” his words were only whisper and his eyes were shining in tears when he sat back down.  
Josh felt so bad. “I’m so sorry, it’s okay, don't cry,” he pulled Tyler in his lap which was easy because Tyler was so small and light and Josh was quite muscular. “You don’t ever have to talk about anything if you don’t want to, you know that, right?” Tyler nodded and buried his face in Josh’s chest. He was obviously upset. Josh hugged him tightly and rested his head on top of Tyler’s. He gently kissed Tyler on top of his head.

So how do you tell someone who is so hurt and broken, that you like them very, very much?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting happier and cuter here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a deer.

It was Sunday. It was 5:34 am.  
Josh woke up early.  
He waited for the always present bad feeling to come.  
It didn’t come.  
Actually, Josh felt good.  
He unwrapped himself from a blanket and sat up in his bed. He looked at the running shoes on the floor. He studied them for a minute and waited for the voice in his head to start yelling the instructions about the routine Josh knew way too well.  
It didn’t come.  
So, he decided to skip running. It felt so easy, so right, but it still was a big deal - he haven’t skipped running for quite some time.  
It took Josh around ten minutes to shower and get ready. He even decided to wear ordinary shirt, jeans and a pair of normal, non-running shoes. He grabbed his phone and headed out.  
He knew exactly where he was going.  
\-------------------------------------  
Tyler was exactly where Josh thought, he’d find him. He was wearing a big black sweater and black skinny jeans, turned away from Josh.  
“Hi there” Josh smiled widely.  
Tyler looked up. Josh didn’t miss big black circles under smaller boy’s eyes.  
“Hey Josh”  
Josh sat down next to Tyler. “How are you?” He was in such a good mood today.  
“Don’t even start I’m not in the mood for that shit.” Okay, Tyler obviously wasn’t in equally good mood.  
“Fun night out?” Josh beckoned to Tyler’s face.  
“Out of my mind, yeah” Tyler smiled bitterly.  
“You haven’t slept much, did you?”  
“No.” Tyler murmured, looking at the waking sky. He closed his eyes, leaning on the tree.  
He was obviously exhausted and lacking sleep and Josh wanted to do something so badly… he sat next to Tyler, gently poking him in the shoulder.  
“What?”  
“Come here.” Josh pulled Tyler in his lap.  
Tyler didn’t resist. He buried his face in Josh’s chest, seeming so light and fragile.  
“It’s okay” Josh softly murmured and gently wrapped his arms around him. In less than a minute, he felt Tyler’s body completely relax and his breathing getting heavy.  
He smiled, looking at the small, broken human being in his arms.  
He shouldn’t be falling in love right now, right?  
And this should feel weird and uncomfortable, right?  
So why it didn’t?  
\-----------------------------------  
Tyler woke up few hours later. Josh was looking at the bright sky when Tyler started yawning, looking much better than before.  
“Good morning” Josh smiled trying not to blush at the fact there was a cute boy sitting in his lap.  
Tyler’s hair was fluffy and messy. Josh knew, he shouldn’t find it completely adorable, but he couldn’t help himself.  
“Thank you, Josh.” Tyler yawned but black circles under his eyes were barely visible.  
Josh smiled “No problem. So what happened last night?”  
“Honestly, I don’t really know.” He rested his head on Josh’s chest and Josh placed his head on Tyler’s, not moving his arms that were still wrapped around Tyler’s small frame. Tyler smiled, happy that josh didn’t push further about last night.  
After around fifteen minutes Tyler broke the silence.  
“You’re not wearing sports clothes.”  
“I know… but I don’t really know why.”  
“Fair enough.”  
“Do you wanna go for a walk?” Josh looked Tyler in the eyes. His lips were so close. He could’ve kissed him right now. ..  
But he didn’t. After a long moment Tyler smiled and nodded. “Yeah, let’s go”  
They got up and headed deeper into the forest.  
“Tyler, how old are you?”  
“I’m turning 17 next week”  
Shit. Tyler was even younger than Josh thought he was. Way too young to be that messed up.  
“You?”  
“19.”  
They walked in silence for a while.  
It was funny; Tyler always found silence so terribly empty, almost scary, and so violent in a way. But with Josh it was different. Silence between them felt okay, like they were somehow so close even if they barely knew each other that they didn’t need to talk to fill the distance between them with words.  
He didn’t know that Josh felt exactly the same.  
They were just silently wandering in the woods until Tyler’s amazed gasp broke the silence. “Whoa, Josh!!”  
Tyler was looking in the distance, completely overtaken. Josh found it so cute. “Josh it’s a deer!”  
Josh started laughing. “Tyler, we’re in the forest, that’s where deer live, you know.”  
Tyler looked at him and ignored his comment. “Let’s get closer, c’mon!”  
And then Tyler started to run and Josh right behind him and the deer of course ran away and suddenly Josh found himself running around, his hand in Tyler’s. They had no idea where they were or where they were going, but it was fun and Tyler was laughing and he seemed happy and Josh felt completely in love. And he had no idea, Tyler felt exactly the same.


	5. Are you searching for purpose?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the whole purpose thing that gets cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW ALBUM!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!! (i know it might come out in the winter but i just can't wait!!! i'd be awesome to see more characters, maybe Echo?) (my friends hate me a bit bc i'm not capable of talking about anything else)

They were sitting under the stars. It was just after sunset and the first stars were starting to shine, along with the city lights they saw in the distance. 

“Josh, do you ever wonder what are you doing here?”

“Like here?” Josh beckoned to the place they were sitting on.

“No, like here in this city, in the world at all, I think?...” 

Josh smiled. “Tyler, I just turned 19. This is pretty much what I think about for the most of the time”  
...Or at least when I don’t think about you… he thought. But he couldn’t say it out loud. 

“So, what’s the answer?” 

“You think it’s that simple?” 

“Of course not, that’s why I’m asking.”

“I don’t think there’s any answer at all, to be honest.”

“That’s depressing.”

“I know.” 

They sat in silence for a while, but Tyler couldn’t stand it for too long.  
“But you know, I want, no I need, to have some sort of a goal, or some sort reason to live and to function, I can’t just do it for no reason, just because maybe someday it will be worth it, it’s like there’s something missing, you know, something to justify all the effort…”

“Purpose?” Offered Josh.

Tyler thought about it for a second.  
“Yeah, purpose.”

Josh wrapped his arms around his bent legs them and rested his head on his knees.  
“You mean, purpose like in a person?”

“I- no, not in a person. Most people let you down anyway.” Except Josh.  
“Thing? I mean something materialistic?”

“No, of course not. I don’t have anything that would mean that much to me.”  
“Activity?” 

“Like running huh?” Tyler half-smiled, but Josh remained serious.  
“Can I tell you something?” 

“You know you can.”

“I hate running.”  
Josh haven’t told that to anyone until now. It felt good in a way but also very sad. 

“I’m going to ask you the obvious question; why do you run so much?”

Josh buried his head between his knees. “Because I feel like I have to.” His voice was so small. 

“Okay,” Tyler nodded and moved closer to Josh. “Why?”

Josh started to feel tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to talk about it. But he wanted things to get better.

“It’s- there’s that feeling, like… like a voice actually –“ He didn’t want to talk about it…  
But Tyler hugged him. “It’s okay. You’re safe, I promise.”

Josh inhaled and exhaled. It’s okay. He’s safe.“I call it the routine…” And so he told Tyler about the screams in his head and the feeling of feeling so fat and useless, if he didn’t go running. Except when he was with Tyler. He listened and waited when Josh couldn’t continue and told him that he’s going to be okay.  
Josh actually believed it for the first time ever. And it meant a world to him.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was Monday.  
Josh was walking from school through the city. He usually took the longer route where less people were. 

“They’re not looking at you, they’re not judging you” he repeated in his head, looking straight to the ground. He wished Tyler would’ve been there with him, but the key thing about presents is, that the kind boy who is given something doesn’t know about it, until you give him a gift. 

The little bell on the door rang as Josh entered the small shop that sold clerical material and books. It was small and cute, and almost completely empty at the moment. Josh headed to the section with notebooks and scratch books, looking for something special. He quickly found a cute scratch book with a forest full of small trees on the cover. He smiled and took it from the shelf and went to the pencil section. In a minute, he walked out of the shop, with a scratch book and a pencil, wrapped in a pretty blue paper with small black birds on it. 

After a quick stop at home he headed to the forest with a small package in his hands.  
Tyler was exactly where Josh expected him to be. 

Josh was so happy to see him. “Hi, Tyler!” He was grinning. 

Tyler turned around and smiled when he saw him. “Hey Josh”

Why was Josh so happy to see him? I mean - he saw him almost every day. Josh stood in front of Tyler, his hands behind his back and a huge smile on his face. Tyler looked at him suspiciously. 

“I wanna give you this. Because you didn’t give up on me and you listened and I feel so much better since I met you and… I like you very, very much” He blushed and handed Tyler the package. 

Tyler accepted it. “Josh…”

“Open it”  
Tyler obeyed and carefully unwrapped the scratch book. He looked so surprised and happy. 

“Why…”  
“Because you said you want purpose and maybe you can create your own?”

Tyler suddenly seemed so touched. “Oh Josh, thank you so much....” there was a flash of tears in his eyes. 

“Come here.”  
They hugged tightly. 

“Josh… I like you very very much too.”

And then Josh just couldn’t help himself.  
He gently kissed Tyler’s soft lips. 

Stars fell of the sky.

Earth stopped. 

Wow.

BUT -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, i like kitchen sink very much :P

**Author's Note:**

> what do you think of it? constructive critic and ideas are appreciated...


End file.
